Wilderness

There is a type of “wilderness” in modern symbolic Christianity written in the New Testament that is different from similar stories from the Old Testament (Exodus and Numbers) where the Israelites were delayed entrance to the promise land due to lack of faith—at least that is how many of us were taught. That the wilderness is punishment due to our lack of faith and disobedience, and therefore the reason for a “delay in our blessing”.

However, the wilderness is also a place of transformation. At times it could feel desolate, too still for comfort, and the bare minimums of living yet God’s ever-presence is still there. It has been a precursor to prophetic words awakening. It is a time for testing, and that is where I am now.

My spirit is in anxious anticipation, while my mind and body have no plan or idea projecting into the future: evidence of a Holy Spirit beyond myself. I have stepped back from serving and extending myself to others for this time. I am tested. My time is free and the enemy looks for every opportunity to steer me off course. I still do not know where I am going.

I am tempted to fill my mind with things of 0 substance, to go to substances that have 0 benefit, to think in ways that tickle “harmless” fantasy (no such thing), to be impressive with the next best thing, and above all to prove to everyone I am still as amazing as I have set myself to be in their eyes.

I meditate on truth. Temptation is a virus of this world but like candy to a child, I have grown to know, these things are not good for me. Goodness I am not perfect. No there is no green light from God that blinks whenever I try to make a decision. But I am faithful. Waiting. Like Jesus did in Matthew 4. I have no idea what is coming, but for the first time, I am still. Not jumping. Not chasing. Not guessing. Not rushing. Not forcing. Praying.